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Streetlights

by Hollie McNish

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about

This poem was written for BBC Radio 4 for a programme about street harassment, produced by Caitlin Smith.

lyrics

Streetlights

we chat about fear like we are passing round chocolates
my grandma goes first; talks of the black outs in war
more scared of the men than the bombs, sometimes,

says she was advised to dress ‘dowdy’ those evenings
to not draw a gaze to her womanly shapes in the shadows
when air raid calls came - not only the planes to avoid overhead
when rushing alone to the shelters, streetlights all smothered

my aunty goes next then my mother then me
now my daughter asks questions, shows scrunchies on tiktok
that double as covers for drinks
as if date rape accessories are part of the nightlife experience

i don’t want to begin this again
i don’t want to be giving advice i was given
my mother was given my brother my grandma
her grandma their grandmas

i’m so tired of being on guard;
the beauty of darkness and stars
stolen over and over again by men
who just used to be boys

so much advice on how to stay safe
every walk home a constant cacophony of what to avoid
lest you be blamed for the actions of men
who just used to be boys

each noise a new risk; each footstep, each breath closing in
then passing, please passing, each footstep again
each rustle of star in the breeze, each moonbeam in puddle
heart stops at every new shadow


and the advice keeps on coming as it has all our lives
do not talk to strangers, keep to the streetlights
yell fire not help, practise your screams when alone
leave your hair down, ponytails are more easily grabbed
ditto rucksacks ditto hands held at sides
ditto footsteps in shadows, keep to the streetlights

walk down the centre of roads if cars line the pavements
take out your earplugs, drown out your music in silence
call up a friend, do not talk on your phone
hold your phone in your hand, hold your keys between fingers
be ready with blunt metal edges to open your front door
before you have even arrived

look ahead / check behind at all times
do not walk in the shadows
keep to the streetlights

do not walk alone, get a taxi instead
if you cannot afford one, get the night bus instead
if the night bus looks rowdy, beg for a taxi /

do not get in cars with a stranger
sit directly behind any driver
(you are harder to grab there)
check that the doors are unlocked

do not walk, if you must, do not wear a short dress
or a tight dress or a dress which shows skin
keep skirts above knees to more easily run in /
keep skirts below knees because knees are alluring

do not be alluring - do not be alluring
do not wear a tracksuit do not wear pyjamas
do not wear a raincoat

it’s such a repulsive dilemma, that game we’ve all played
trying to work out which unlabelled man
is more likely to rape us and which of our careless mistakes
will be blamed if one of them does:

the man in the taxi? the men on the night bus?
the man who is hid in the bushes again?
the men shouting ‘sexy’ who tell me to smile?
and why did you smile? why don’t you ignore them? he said
or the men who are calling me bitch for ignoring them?
why did you speak to them? isn’t that flirting? he said

as we grapple to learn that perfect positioning
between being too friendly and not being friendly enough

what do you expect if you don’t take advice?
- there is so much advice that is given

in our sex education
the girls in my class learnt how to put condoms on carrots
learnt that sex was preparing a penis to be put in our bodies
how skin can be seen as a come on
how morals can be measured in inches of hemline to knee
how some boys, from the first time you turn down a date
label you slut, disappointment so quickly switching to anger
and why did you smile at that stranger? and why did you smile?

not once in my school were the boys taught how to give pleasure
how to touch a girl’s body
how girls are allowed to touch their own bodies
how girls are not slags if they own their own bodies

how nobody owes them their body or time
or a date or a kiss, no matter how much they might want it
how being a friend is not leading you on
how ‘friendzoning’ someone is not to be punished

as we sat in the headmasters office so many times
told off for short skirts and make up
bombarded with rules on how to grow up
scrubbing off lipstick and sin

stop flirting keep smiling do not smile too much
do not take the short cut do not stay out late
do not lead men on do not be too sexy
do not not not be sexy do not be offensive
have money for taxis always have time for the longer way home
how much time of my life i have wasted taking the longer way home
so i’m not blamed for walking in shadows

attacks are always taught in the passive -
how likely we are to be followed
how many of us possibly raped
if we do or we don’t pay attention

Nothing is actively written - no lessons left boys in a panic
no parents sat sons down to chat
about how not to wake up with necks in their hands
how not to take legs as a come on
how not to get angry at crushes who want to be no more than friends
how to never leave mates drunk on their own
in case they start following strangers, force keys into hands
how to help friends not turn into men who attack
how not to turn into men who attack

instead, we keep pushing this pattern of silence and shame
constant cacophany of blame: why were you walking that way?
why were showing your skin to the night?
we said stick to the streetlights, stick to the streetlights

and what if there aren’t any streetlights?
what if streetlights are not nearly enough?
what if streets were designed to be safer?
what if it’s nothing to do with my hairstyle or the way i am dressing
it was never to do with the way we were dressed

do not ask why i smiled
do not describe clothes as ‘appropriate’
as if two inches more cotton were any more armour
than key clutched in hand

what are you telling the men who used to be boys -
the boys soon to be man?

credits

released January 14, 2022
written and read by Hollie McNish

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Hollie McNish UK

“I can’t take my ears off her” Benjamin Zephaniah
“Moving…wonderful” Radio 4 Woman’s Hour

For all enquiries: Oli@pagetoperformance.org

Videos: www.youtube.com/holliemcnish

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