PUSH KICK: a journey through the beauty, brilliance and bollocks of having a baby.
by Hollie McNish
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Digital Album
Immediate download of 26-track album in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.
Download for free or donate what you feel. Any money given for this album will be now be donated to Rosie Hospital Campaign: http://www.therosiecampaign.org.uk/
With all your kind support it has already raised £500 for SOS Children's Villages: http://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk, helping orphaned children worldwide and £500 for the previous charity supported: www.camfed.org, educating girls worldwide.Buy Now name your price
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2. |
Domestic Violence
01:00
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3. |
Banana baby
01:15
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4. |
Sunrise
01:01
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5. |
Cold cravings
02:41
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6. |
Spring
01:09
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7. |
Probably
00:34
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8. |
Opposite man
01:34
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9. |
Absailing
00:33
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10. |
D.I.L.F!
00:41
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11. |
Breastfed
00:34
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12. |
Marketing Motherhood
01:29
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13. |
Stargazing
00:40
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14. |
Bite
00:08
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15. |
P double O!
01:22
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16. |
That's cool...
00:15
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17. |
Kid again
00:14
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18. |
Dilemma
01:29
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19. |
Chemical kids
02:06
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20. |
Milk jug jackers
01:01
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21. |
4 minutes
00:24
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22. |
Cherry blossom
00:29
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23. |
Morning sounds
00:11
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24. |
On acid
01:26
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25. |
Dream
00:11
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26. |
Hollow
02:14
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about
Push Kick is a collection of poetry written during pregnancy, through labour and motherhood. Download for free or donate what you feel. Any money given for this album will be now be donated to Rosie Hospital Campaign: www.therosiecampaign.org.uk
With all your kind support it has already raised £500 for SOS Children's Villages: www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk, helping orphaned children worldwide and £500 for the previous charity supported: www.camfed.org, educating girls worldwide.
With all your kind support it has already raised £500 for SOS Children's Villages: www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk, helping orphaned children worldwide and £500 for the previous charity supported: www.camfed.org, educating girls worldwide.
credits
released 01 May 2010
tags
license
all rights reserved
feeds
feeds for about
“I can’t take my ears off her” Benjamin Zephaniah
“Moving…wonderful” Radio 4 Woman’s
Hour
For all enquiries: hollie@pagetoperformance.org
First collection, Papers, available on Amazon or from Greenwich Exchange Publishing
Audio albums available on itunes or from www.holliemcnish.bandcamp.com
Videos: www.youtube.com/holliemcnish
... more
discography
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Mar 2011 -
Nov 2010 -
May 2010
contact / help
For help with downloads, click here.
For all other inquiries, including help with merch, click here.
- Track Name: Banana baby
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I cupped my hands out in front of me, thinking
“your baby should be as big as a banana now”
email updates and pregnancy forums think my
“baby should be as big as a banana now”
I cupped my hands in front of me, shaping them like the small fruit bowl I bought from the craftswomen at the Saturday market who cried when I bought it and I thought she was crying cos I was her only customer for the day, the week, the month maybe, battling with Habitat factory made fruit bowls but maybe she was actually thinking that day
“your baby should be about as big as a banana by now”
“your sickness may calm down now”
“you should feel more tired now”
“you should put on a pound a week now”
“you may be more forgetful now”
“your stomach may be sorer now”
“you should think about your finances now”
“you should consider birth classes now”
“you should book your next scan now”
“you should start pelvic exercises now”
“you should get the maternity leave form now and fill it in and hand it to your boss now”
“you should start thinking about names for the baby now”
“you should decide whether or not you are going to use disposable or cotton or semi-disposable or eco-company nappys now”
“you should not sleep on your back or on your right hand side now and sleep may be uncomfortable now and you may wake in the night now and your ribs may ache now and you left arm and shoulder and leg hurt a little now and you may think about buying a sculpted pregnant women cushion now”
But don’t do too much.
Remember to relax.
Maybe she was thinking that.
“Your baby should be as big as a banana by now” - Track Name: Sunrise
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you can’t hear me but i want to say sorry.
I try listening but can’t feel a thing.
they say some women know like an instinct
i just hope u keep living.
resting on my bed i feel rain drops
splash
running through my head i see lightening flash
one time struck and I’m crying again
hands pressing ice cubes on my stomach.
they melt thawing on boiling skin
swollen breasts to sore to kiss
my craving skin aches to touch affection
but body turns scared of rejection
dawn wakes up to my head in the toilet
matching sun shades with acid enjoyment
showering pleasures tell me i’m blessed
but i feel too weak to feel it.
midday flushes ice cubes again
clinking in glasses and cooling my tongue
hands on my stomach hope you’re ok
but i still don’t feel motherly.
i’’ll be happier when i’m back in love maybe
happier when I wake after sun rise
happier without my head to the toilet
happy when i’ve seen in your eyes
till then i’ll smile like i mean it
hoping you’re dads lips on mine were for real
matching the bile with bright rising sunrays
trying to guess how you feel. - Track Name: Cold cravings
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Craving 1
Is she trying to drag the earth right inside me?
Is she trying to feel the wind and the rain?
Has she heard what we’ve said that there’s 1 month still left
But she’s desperate to come out and play
cos that’s the only real explanation
I can think for these feelings I’ve grown
cos with each day she gets larger these cravings get harder
as I battle the ice formed on snow
My friends listing there’s like a trophy
say they ate more chocolate than ever before
but for me the one vice is large chunks of ice
dripping frozen cold drops to my throat
now my mouth sings out for the feeling of frost on my lips and my tongue
And in the snow covered hilltops of Grans Scotland road I saw dinner, breakfast and lunch
Crunching ice of hardened snow in my teeth a relief like never before
from the crunch of each break now crushed my mind shakes and I pray there’s no sunshine or thaw
I knaw ice lollies, icicles, ice cubes and slush
and breathe deep on my bike for an icy cold rush
till my lungs feel the chill of the air and fill up
with a freshness that brings me to new forms of love
I love crunching it, sucking it, melting it out
Till the ice cube racks empty and lollies run out
And from the depths of my stomach I’m sure she’s about
Was too hot in the womb, now feet up chilling out
in an Igloo bred baby snuggling up
with my tongue on the snow flakes cupping it up
like an addict fulfilled there’s a new sort of love
when you pass me a drink with ice in the cup
Craving 2
Is she trying to drag the earth right inside me?
Is she trying to feel the wind and the rain?
Has she heard what we’ve said that there’s 1 month still left
But she’s desperate to come out and play
cos that’s the only real explanation
I can think for these feelings I’ve grown
cos with each day she gets larger these cravings get harder
as I follow a new founded nose
Once the smell of perfume thrilled me, my boyfriends scent sexy and fresh
Now its damp wetted earth, mould, tree bark and dirt
And the tingle runs through to my chest
I walk close to mud and inhale
And feel every lung muscle cramp
And in my friends London flat like a heaven door mat
I sat sniffing the corners of damp
Like being so horny and having no way to fulfil it
I feel I can’t breathe as deep as I’m wishing
As my nostrils dilate and my breathe becomes livid
my lungs cry for more expand to new limits
breathing market potatoes knee deep in soil
sit sniffing their skins as the pan over boils
I want the grit through my fingers of dewy cold earth
I want to breathe in the secrets and pieces of dirt
I yearn for the scent of the bricks in the garage
dig a home in the soil now I’m envying rabbits
and on an underground tour of Edinbrughs vaults
I could’ve stayed in the cellars just smelling the mould
I’ve told my boyfriend I’m moving into a tree
surrounded by earth, ice cubes and breathe
And somewhere I’m sure she’s resting inside
with the smells of this world and the cool of the ice
As if shes heard what we said, one month till birth
So she’s dragging the earth from outside me to her
Desperate to sense it she whispers these cravings
As I sit crunching ice and sniffing dirt on the pavements. - Track Name: Spring
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The snow will be gone when you come baby
the ice will have melted away
a springtime bloom will be waiting for you as soon as you come out to play.
When you open your eyes there’ll be flowers
branches bloomed into hues
the bees will be back, the petals attacked
and the honies will melt around you
The white will be split when you come baby
The colours splintered through rain
This blanket of snow with its one palette show
Will melt in a rainbow of paints
The cold will be gone when you come baby
Just a warm little cooling down breeze
The leaves on the trees will be minty and green
And the rivers run back into seas
The thaw will be here when you come baby
The animals peeping through dirt
Daffodils trumpeting gateways to parks
As you open your ears to the earth
The land will be soft when you sit baby
The grass grown through daisy chain seats
The sun will be bright, the heat will be light
As you lie in the shade of the trees
The snow will be gone when you come baby
Right now it’s a blanket of pearls
So just rest for a bit, put your feet up and sit
till the buds break the frost and unfurl.
The freeze will be gone when you come baby
The glittering frost-biting tracks
So grow strong with the spring so when snow starts to sing
You can run out and marvel at that. - Track Name: Opposite man
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He’s the opposite of what the article said:
“Reconsider dads place by the hospital bed.
Nemesis of generations gone of men spouting the same old song of women’s instinct, maternal minds.
Through male and macho crap you shine
Dripping energy onto my tongue in bottled drinks and calming songs
As shivers took my body hold and vessels burst in birthing groans
You grabbed her
You cleaned her first
You cut the cord
You saw the worst or as you seem to say
“The Best”
A man could ever see.
Grandads didn’t dare.
They sat outside with concerned stares
Puffing smoke to passing ticks
No concept of what women did.
You stand opposite to history
The sight, how like some crowned glory
While other men brush off and say that ‘gory birth’ is not their taste
I feel the pain is soothed by praise, you brag about my strength that day
The things I really wanna shout but am told a ‘lady’ won’t let out.
As women undermine themselves,
Underplay the pain they felt,
We need more men like you
To tell the tale of what we all went through
You’re the opposite of what the article said,
“That men shouldn’t be at the hospital bed”,
Cos you calmed me, laughed, through a roomful of pain
And now you shout out the strengths I’m not meant to say. - Track Name: Dilemma
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When she finally sleeps, I mean finally sleeps
like that eyes rolled back, lips apart deep kinda sleep
no peaks eyes relaxed, closed no leaks thick kinda sleep
heavy breaths keep to meeting heart beats kinda sleep
When she finally sleeps, I mean finally sleeps
And our bed sheets haven’t been seen for days kinda sleep,
And it seems we’ve got three full hours before her next feed
and we sneak into bed and our legs want to weep,
finally, lying down, her father and me
The dilemma appears like a newborn brutally
Cos she finally sleeps, we can finally be
skin to skin, cuddled under covers in glee
our giggling eyelids smile heavily
as we shoosh at each sound that might wake the baby
one kiss on your cheek to tell you goodnight
one kiss on your lips and a hand to your thighs
as your head wants to dream and there isn’t much time
but the warmth of the back of your body on mine
three hours turns to two to tease me awake
and your breath feels so good on my aching neck nape
but each kiss that I give is one more minute awake
and I haven’t slept well for at least seven days
if I carry the play on, keep touching your face
we won’t get the sleep our minds desperately crave
fulfilling a space my skin endings ache
but I panic each second we’re still both awake
I wanna keep touching and I desperately don’t
I want the hours to lengthen but they desperately won’t
As I drift back and forth from your body to lone
and the bed drifts from sensual to sleep giving throne
moaning, both body and mind
at the choice between sanity or feeling your sighs
the dilemma awakens each wonderful time
She finally sleeps
and your body’s with mine. - Track Name: Chemical kids
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Our countries kids are covered in chemicals
their lettuces are grown in test tubes
the meals we feed them are making them hysterical
while the media blames sex, puberty and weed use
as government campaigns pain me to choke
on five fruit and veg a day just another profit joke
with a punchline in the fields where those vegetables are grown
in sess pit of pesticides our babies seeds are sown so no
that’s not why mums go to Iceland
cos a ready rustlers burgers not a life for any real pram
and even single working papas don’t need ready frozen food
cos pre-packaged plastics never cheaper than a cookbook
so look
we’re bringing up our babies on Heinz tin cans
when all we needed was a minute, masher, piece of fruit and saucepan
so obsessed about the danger of bongs, condoms and kissing
when ingredients reek genocide of pesticides pissed in
food growing factories free of soil, air or insects
mother nature raped and staked out by agriculture business
farmers forced to feed the land to fertilizer firms
as the need to feed our babies well becomes a need for greed to earn
pushing chemicals and pesticides and plastic packaged shopping
as profits rise for the guys who produce the chemicals we popping
so stop obsessing over your young boy trying out weed, wanking or wine
when you ignore the fact we can’t even read the ingredients of his mealtime
and you can feed me all the lines you like but read the gravy label on the back, like
Disodium ribonucleotides hydrolysed, modiefied acesulfame K sodium bexoate
tell me, what the fuck is that
and you can read me all the laws you like till the cows might come back
but I’d rather smoke an illegal piece of leaf than eat you’re legal sist-filled chicken wrap wrapped round chickens trapped in lightless prisons pissing on each other,
as deranged brain and bollock cocktail sausages bring up our future mothers
and father and sisters and brothers now covered in chemicals
wuth lettuces grown in test tubes
with carrots with no roots
with tomatoes sprayed with gas
mash potatoes turned to smash
with bleach washed salad bags airtight with lies
So try to feed me all the adverts you like
but cheese strings and will always be shite
and your lunchables ham cheese lunchbox will never enter mine
and chickens bred in darkness will never bring light
and vegetables grown in chemically soaked test tubes will never be right
and you can feed me all the adverts and campaigns and prices you wish
But keep your food the fuck away from my kids - Track Name: On acid
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I’m living a life of half dreams
Sleep Interrupted in Breast Milk Streams
Adventures broken in 2am screams
Eyes open and closing like counting machines
between 2 hour shifts where I swap with me
I’m living a life of half dreams
Cellophane flowers and tangerine trees
Rowing down milk rivers through breast hill valleys
to nipple cream islands in cold cups of tea
I’m living a life of half dreams
comotosed arms rock automatically
tiny lips to my breast my mind tries to see
if she’s just fed and I’ve fallen or of she’s waiting to feed
if she’s just fed or she’s hungry or if I’m already asleep
I’m living a life of half dreams
asleep with ears open checking she breathes
staring at ceilings to birds melodies
singing in day as I drift back to sleep
I’m living a life of half dreams
Stories stolen by waking bellies
Body jolts upright with every night scream
Eye bags, arm muscles, and breasts are heavy
I’m ready in every half dream
waking to two big eyes staring at me
with a fist stuffed in mouth to ease the need
as she waits for my waking with impatient greed
I was lying in bed. Wake up. Breastfeed
I was dreaming I slept. Wake up. Breastfeed
I was dreaming we kissed.Wake up. Breastfeed
I was dreaming your lips. Wake up. Breastfeed
I was sleeping. she wept. Wake up. Breastfeed
I was awake as she slept, Wake up. Breastfeed
I fell asleep as she fed. Wake up. Breastfeed
I woke up as you said. Wake up. Breastfeed
She finished. She smiled. Our eyes met.
Wake up. Breastfeed. It’s blessed - Track Name: Hollow
-
We started quite similar, two young girls “knocked up”
boyfriends excited and mums and dads chuffed
our friends buzzing by to put hands on our bumps
both belly and boobs getting shockingly stump
We started quite similar, both bellies slow rising
two plum ripe tomatoes grow stretch marks in lines
While we’re both walking home after work in the office
We try not to waddle as passer bys eyes are on us
We started quite similar, both woken at dawn
to two kicks in the pelvis, both giggle and yawn
Now she lies at the side of the road simply screaming
I’m home, she just groans, both our feet up, hers bleeding
Cos there’s no march going on in my city you see
no war so that war crimes not used against me
I might walk the streets hunch back but baby lies safely
And whilst mine may be chocolate, its revenge that she’s craving
So when you ask what I’m thinking, is it boots, cots or mittens
Truth is, I’m just thankful its here that I’m living,
Cos as my stomach bulges like a water balloon
Her hollowed out body lies like carcas consumed
in the wrong time, wrong street, wrong country or place
on the wrong side or the wrong tribe the wrong party or race
Both trying not to waddle as passers bys eyes all watched,
but whilst mine passed me by, hers circled and stopped
radio announcements as troops told to target
mothers, children, unborn moses baskets,
with knives and machetes like cutting through ham
slice round her belly to remove what they can
We started quite similar, two young girls knocked up
my boyfriend excited, hers hung himself up.
My mum and dad chuffed, her mum and dad mourning
And as flies buzz her belly, my friends hands still swarming
Cos there’s no war going on in my city you see
No radio orders to ethnically cleanse me
So when you ask what I’m thinking with a baby inside me
My hands clasp the skin tight and my mind runs in hiding
So when you ask what I’m thinking, is it cots, toys or clothes
I just smile and nod cos truth is I don’t know
Cos when you ask what I’m thinking everytime that it kicks
Ask what I’m think when its heart beats so quick
The thing I think most, thought it might sound quite sick
Is how the fuck could you cope if they cut out your kid
But there’s no war going on in my city you see
So that war crimes not used as a weapon against me
No knife waiting bluntly to cut through my womb
As her body lies clutching a hollowed out tomb
The thing I think most, and its making me sick
Is how the fuck could you cope if they cut out that kid
